Wilderspool Sunset (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wendym) wrote,@ 2009-05-12 20:04:00 |
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Eurovision wibble
Hello,
You really want to know what I think about the Eurovision Semi-Final (part 1) right? And Eurovision in general?
20:05 Oh dear lord, what's going on with the terrifying children and then that woman's terrifying legs! Too skinny! The grins! The teeth! The horror!
And they've banned beer, surely the only way to cope
Montenegro. Bah, the usual. Points for a great flag though, as ever.
Czech republic - Keep Britain Tidy logo!
Er, good. I think? It's gypsy superhero er...
BBC Three bloke is great. "You should turn away if you have photo-sensitive epilepsy. You should also turn away if you like Elvis"
Belgum's finest Elvis impersonator? Oh dear.
Oh Belarus, your president is unpleasant, but your entries are so lovely and OTT, trying so hard like a repressive cold Malta. Just one big bit of thin fabric, one stepladder and a hairdryer = instant gimmick! Plus hair metal is so now!
Can we admit North Korea to the EBU?
Uh, opera, bored already. We expect better from you Sweden.
Argh! Wink! No!
Hah! She's lost it! Giggles! Presumably at the poor mask-based special effect. Credit crunch especially bad in Sweden?
Armenia - ooo, more Xena joy? Costume! They win for the clothes alone! Sort of medieval Caucasus goth genius. Though the dancers seem to be showing their suspenders rather a lot...
Andorra. Forgotten already and the songs not over yet.
Switzerland - Well done, you're studied the trendy rock look well. The music, well, nice try. Nice try at ripping off Peter Hook's bass playing as well. Just lose the skipping while you do it.
Turkey. Ah, same as every other Turkish entry then. Same skirts even.
Israel. Nice sentiments. Not too sure about the song. Guranteed to pee off the Ultra-Orthodox and Hamas by the costumes alone, therefore good though.
Why does every country always bring out their most dire presenters?
"Give it up for Bulgaria!" There's something you don't hear often enough.
Falsetto knight? Eh?
Hair! Nails! She scares me!
It's like the Communards performing in Camelot (the theme park Camelot)
I'll explain the Communards to you youngsters later.
Actually, I think I'd like this tune if they were in tune.
Iceland! As a place I like Iceland. It's like the moon but with eerily cute ponies and a stupid proportion of good bands. Which for a place with roughly the population of Wigan is good going. Or Wigan need to raise their game. And they're always either fun or inoffensive. This is maybe a bit too dull though. Yes, gone from brain already.
FYRO Macedonia. Bless, after so many years of having to put FYRO at the front of their name at the insistence of their southern neighbours, have they ever considered renaming themselves "Greece" for a laugh? Or "Brian"? Or "Yorkshire"? "Former Yugoslav Republic of Yorkshire" has a good ring to it. Dull hair metal. See Belarus for how to do it chaps.
Romania - a tree stump doesn't count as a gimmick. Try harder next time.
Finland - not rock? Dressed vaguely rock, but not rock? Finland? Fire good though, and the song is a bit catchy at least? Oh, a guitar. So it's eurpop techno rap with a bit of rock? Fair do's.
Portugal - ow my eyes! The backdrop is painful! They've got a lovely folksy song though. Everyone hug Portugal!
Malta - aww, they always try so hard! If this was a Hollywood movie they'd win. But it's not.
Bosnia and Herzegovina - Get the fist down lad, it scares people.
In further Eurovision wibbling, I'm appaled at our recent entry. Not the performer, no complaints there. But WTF Andrew Lloyd Webber? Song of intense dullness from someone who, arguably, hasn't written a decent song since the mid 80's (and ever is debatable). It's dull! For a nation proud of the fact that it doesn't take Eurovision seriously we seem to enter a lot of boring stuff. Scooch did attempt humour, but faint sexual innuendo probably isn't right for Europe just yet. Give it a decade of making them watch Carry On movies and they'll catch up.
Where are the mickey takes? It's not like we can get relegated from the finals, why not have fun? Even France managed it for the last two years. We don't even have to put in a comedy entry, just showcase the wide range of music this strange yet musical nation spits out. Napalm Death? 12 seconds of some bloke making what sounds to the unintiated like vomiting noises down the mike? Least it'll be quick. Get Moped back and see if Germany notice we're taking the piss? Or (related) there is always The Lancashire Hotpots of course. A far superior variety of comedy northerner to Daz Sampson. Radiohead? They'd be up for it I reckon.
Alternatively, there is one musical genre, which has gone native to these shores, that has everything you need for Eurovison, colour, drums, dancing, mad shiny costumes and damm fine tunes. It's a guaranteed win. I am referring, of course, to Bhangra. Next year, BBC, get yourselves to Birmingham (or Southall if you're feeling lazy). You know it makes sense.
Hello,
You really want to know what I think about the Eurovision Semi-Final (part 1) right? And Eurovision in general?
20:05 Oh dear lord, what's going on with the terrifying children and then that woman's terrifying legs! Too skinny! The grins! The teeth! The horror!
And they've banned beer, surely the only way to cope
Montenegro. Bah, the usual. Points for a great flag though, as ever.
Czech republic - Keep Britain Tidy logo!
Er, good. I think? It's gypsy superhero er...
BBC Three bloke is great. "You should turn away if you have photo-sensitive epilepsy. You should also turn away if you like Elvis"
Belgum's finest Elvis impersonator? Oh dear.
Oh Belarus, your president is unpleasant, but your entries are so lovely and OTT, trying so hard like a repressive cold Malta. Just one big bit of thin fabric, one stepladder and a hairdryer = instant gimmick! Plus hair metal is so now!
Can we admit North Korea to the EBU?
Uh, opera, bored already. We expect better from you Sweden.
Argh! Wink! No!
Hah! She's lost it! Giggles! Presumably at the poor mask-based special effect. Credit crunch especially bad in Sweden?
Armenia - ooo, more Xena joy? Costume! They win for the clothes alone! Sort of medieval Caucasus goth genius. Though the dancers seem to be showing their suspenders rather a lot...
Andorra. Forgotten already and the songs not over yet.
Switzerland - Well done, you're studied the trendy rock look well. The music, well, nice try. Nice try at ripping off Peter Hook's bass playing as well. Just lose the skipping while you do it.
Turkey. Ah, same as every other Turkish entry then. Same skirts even.
Israel. Nice sentiments. Not too sure about the song. Guranteed to pee off the Ultra-Orthodox and Hamas by the costumes alone, therefore good though.
Why does every country always bring out their most dire presenters?
"Give it up for Bulgaria!" There's something you don't hear often enough.
Falsetto knight? Eh?
Hair! Nails! She scares me!
It's like the Communards performing in Camelot (the theme park Camelot)
I'll explain the Communards to you youngsters later.
Actually, I think I'd like this tune if they were in tune.
Iceland! As a place I like Iceland. It's like the moon but with eerily cute ponies and a stupid proportion of good bands. Which for a place with roughly the population of Wigan is good going. Or Wigan need to raise their game. And they're always either fun or inoffensive. This is maybe a bit too dull though. Yes, gone from brain already.
FYRO Macedonia. Bless, after so many years of having to put FYRO at the front of their name at the insistence of their southern neighbours, have they ever considered renaming themselves "Greece" for a laugh? Or "Brian"? Or "Yorkshire"? "Former Yugoslav Republic of Yorkshire" has a good ring to it. Dull hair metal. See Belarus for how to do it chaps.
Romania - a tree stump doesn't count as a gimmick. Try harder next time.
Finland - not rock? Dressed vaguely rock, but not rock? Finland? Fire good though, and the song is a bit catchy at least? Oh, a guitar. So it's eurpop techno rap with a bit of rock? Fair do's.
Portugal - ow my eyes! The backdrop is painful! They've got a lovely folksy song though. Everyone hug Portugal!
Malta - aww, they always try so hard! If this was a Hollywood movie they'd win. But it's not.
Bosnia and Herzegovina - Get the fist down lad, it scares people.
In further Eurovision wibbling, I'm appaled at our recent entry. Not the performer, no complaints there. But WTF Andrew Lloyd Webber? Song of intense dullness from someone who, arguably, hasn't written a decent song since the mid 80's (and ever is debatable). It's dull! For a nation proud of the fact that it doesn't take Eurovision seriously we seem to enter a lot of boring stuff. Scooch did attempt humour, but faint sexual innuendo probably isn't right for Europe just yet. Give it a decade of making them watch Carry On movies and they'll catch up.
Where are the mickey takes? It's not like we can get relegated from the finals, why not have fun? Even France managed it for the last two years. We don't even have to put in a comedy entry, just showcase the wide range of music this strange yet musical nation spits out. Napalm Death? 12 seconds of some bloke making what sounds to the unintiated like vomiting noises down the mike? Least it'll be quick. Get Moped back and see if Germany notice we're taking the piss? Or (related) there is always The Lancashire Hotpots of course. A far superior variety of comedy northerner to Daz Sampson. Radiohead? They'd be up for it I reckon.
Alternatively, there is one musical genre, which has gone native to these shores, that has everything you need for Eurovison, colour, drums, dancing, mad shiny costumes and damm fine tunes. It's a guaranteed win. I am referring, of course, to Bhangra. Next year, BBC, get yourselves to Birmingham (or Southall if you're feeling lazy). You know it makes sense.
