These are my memes, show me yours

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:28:49 GMT

'Cos I got asked, New Zealand photos are at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/haversack/sets/72157613447968316/ Includes terror parrots of doom.

Thu, 14 May 2009 20:49:36 GMT

Opening sequence is great this time! Giant Balalaika doing "Viva La Diva"!

Those presenters are comedians right? Like the Russian Alan Partridge?

Irish metal (to the Avril Lavigne value of metal).

Are Latvia shouting random russian words? I've got Vodka, Kulack. Mad twitchy rock kind of fun though in small doses I guess? I really would like to know what they're singing about though. Damm my lack of red button subtitles.

Poor presenter has been given a wedding request to make during the show.

Serbia have been on the funny biscuits. HAIR! Oh yes. THEY MUST WIN FOR THE HAIR. And the 8-bit graphics.

Slovakia, Poland, Cyprus - Sorry, er, what? Missed that doing something more interesting like staring at a towel. And what is with the blond women in white dresses? Are they compulsory this year?

Actually, Slovakia bloke looks a lot like Tony Livsey, BBC North West tonight sports reporter and former editor of the Sunday Sport. (True, all of it).

Denmark - Ronan Keating co-wrote. Well done. Stop grinning at the camera now.

Slovenia - Hiding! Good gimmick there Though he's so not playing that Cello. In a classcal-disco crossover sort of way I like it.

I'm really liking Paddy O'Connell, can we have him in Graham Norton turns out to be rubbish?

Hungary had his head lying on a woman's crotch right at the start. Looking at his top and dancing now I suspect she's safe though.

HE'S SKIPPING ALONG THE STAGE. Actually, this is so gay it's straight.

Azerbajan - aww, nice song, good performers, but they've been out-costumed by Armenia in the Crimean battle. Plus for a second seeing the bloke singer from the side I thought it was Omid Djalili. That was distracting.

Greece - was that a dance or sign language? Bit techno, good. Singer looks like Tim Allen though.

Moldova - is she dressed as her from Shrek? Better if it was just the prancing blokes, they're great. Not sure about the bloke at the back who appears to be wielding a colourful mop joyfully.

Albania - Paddy wan't joking about the green gimp. And two small vampires? With a woman dressed as a ballerina?

Small breakdancing vampires.

Ukraine! Kings of Eurovision again! Is she really saying "my sexy bum?" While being fondled by scantily clad disco roman centurions? And then randomly playing the drums? And hamster wheels? Ouch, flags, might be a bad plan in Russia.

Second proposal of the night!

Estonia - quite nice that, good arrangements on the now-ubiquitous strings. Extra points for double bass.

The Netherlands - Er "Love will make us glow in the dark?" You can get creams for that now. Really not sure what to make of the fake DJ large woman. Or the three middle-aged blokes singing. Bless.

Graham Norton also likes Portugal. Blimey.

Found a translation of Latvia - http://lyricstranslations.com/eurovision/eurovision-2009-latvia-intars-busulis-sastregums Much less exciting that I'd hoped.

Eurovision wibble

Tue, 12 May 2009 20:53:17 GMT

Hello,

You really want to know what I think about the Eurovision Semi-Final (part 1) right? And Eurovision in general?

20:05 Oh dear lord, what's going on with the terrifying children and then that woman's terrifying legs! Too skinny! The grins! The teeth! The horror!

And they've banned beer, surely the only way to cope

Montenegro. Bah, the usual. Points for a great flag though, as ever.

Czech republic - Keep Britain Tidy logo!
Er, good. I think? It's gypsy superhero er...

BBC Three bloke is great. "You should turn away if you have photo-sensitive epilepsy. You should also turn away if you like Elvis"

Belgum's finest Elvis impersonator? Oh dear.

Oh Belarus, your president is unpleasant, but your entries are so lovely and OTT, trying so hard like a repressive cold Malta. Just one big bit of thin fabric, one stepladder and a hairdryer = instant gimmick! Plus hair metal is so now!

Can we admit North Korea to the EBU?

Uh, opera, bored already. We expect better from you Sweden.

Argh! Wink! No!

Hah! She's lost it! Giggles! Presumably at the poor mask-based special effect. Credit crunch especially bad in Sweden?

Armenia - ooo, more Xena joy? Costume! They win for the clothes alone! Sort of medieval Caucasus goth genius. Though the dancers seem to be showing their suspenders rather a lot...

Andorra. Forgotten already and the songs not over yet.

Switzerland - Well done, you're studied the trendy rock look well. The music, well, nice try. Nice try at ripping off Peter Hook's bass playing as well. Just lose the skipping while you do it.

Turkey. Ah, same as every other Turkish entry then. Same skirts even.

Israel. Nice sentiments. Not too sure about the song. Guranteed to pee off the Ultra-Orthodox and Hamas by the costumes alone, therefore good though.

Why does every country always bring out their most dire presenters?

"Give it up for Bulgaria!" There's something you don't hear often enough.

Falsetto knight? Eh?

Hair! Nails! She scares me!

It's like the Communards performing in Camelot (the theme park Camelot)

I'll explain the Communards to you youngsters later.

Actually, I think I'd like this tune if they were in tune.

Iceland! As a place I like Iceland. It's like the moon but with eerily cute ponies and a stupid proportion of good bands. Which for a place with roughly the population of Wigan is good going. Or Wigan need to raise their game. And they're always either fun or inoffensive. This is maybe a bit too dull though. Yes, gone from brain already.

FYRO Macedonia. Bless, after so many years of having to put FYRO at the front of their name at the insistence of their southern neighbours, have they ever considered renaming themselves "Greece" for a laugh? Or "Brian"? Or "Yorkshire"? "Former Yugoslav Republic of Yorkshire" has a good ring to it. Dull hair metal. See Belarus for how to do it chaps.

Romania - a tree stump doesn't count as a gimmick. Try harder next time.

Finland - not rock? Dressed vaguely rock, but not rock? Finland? Fire good though, and the song is a bit catchy at least? Oh, a guitar. So it's eurpop techno rap with a bit of rock? Fair do's.

Portugal - ow my eyes! The backdrop is painful! They've got a lovely folksy song though. Everyone hug Portugal!

Malta - aww, they always try so hard! If this was a Hollywood movie they'd win. But it's not.

Bosnia and Herzegovina - Get the fist down lad, it scares people.

In further Eurovision wibbling, I'm appaled at our recent entry. Not the performer, no complaints there. But WTF Andrew Lloyd Webber? Song of intense dullness from someone who, arguably, hasn't written a decent song since the mid 80's (and ever is debatable). It's dull! For a nation proud of the fact that it doesn't take Eurovision seriously we seem to enter a lot of boring stuff. Scooch did attempt humour, but faint sexual innuendo probably isn't right for Europe just yet. Give it a decade of making them watch Carry On movies and they'll catch up.

Where are the mickey takes? It's not like we can get relegated from the finals, why not have fun? Even France managed it for the last two years. We don't even have to put in a comedy entry, just showcase the wide range of music this strange yet musical nation spits out. Napalm Death? 12 seconds of some bloke making what sounds to the unintiated like vomiting noises down the mike? Least it'll be quick. Get Moped back and see if Germany notice we're taking the piss? Or (related) there is always The Lancashire Hotpots of course. A far superior variety of comedy northerner to Daz Sampson. Radiohead? They'd be up for it I reckon.

Alternatively, there is one musical genre, which has gone native to these shores, that has everything you need for Eurovison, colour, drums, dancing, mad shiny costumes and damm fine tunes. It's a guaranteed win. I am referring, of course, to Bhangra. Next year, BBC, get yourselves to Birmingham (or Southall if you're feeling lazy). You know it makes sense.

Having a fangirl moment

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 13:49:34 GMT

Via http://www.liverpoolcultureblog.co.uk/

http://www.liverpoolcultureblog.co.uk/2009/01/liverpool-vodaphone-advert-with-jon-pertwee-and-kyle-maclachlan/

I want this to be canon. Notice the fob watch at the end?

New fave band for the next 5 seconds

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:08:46 GMT

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=320786298

"Counterpoint" sounds like Orbital and New Order collaborating. Squee!

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:26:02 GMT

http://www.needapresent.com/shop/get_ProductDetail.asp?PID=1553

I want it to be my birthday again. Well, only 9 months to go...

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 21:49:58 GMT

Here's a random question from someone with only a small amount of scientific knowledge. Seeing as noise-cancelling works by producing one sound to cancel out another, presumably if you heard every single noise ever produced, you'd actually hear - nothing?

Earthquake

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 01:31:14 GMT

I'm not normally up at this hour...

According to Radio 5 epicentre about 20 miles south of Hull.

UPDATE

Thanks to burkesworks details at http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqcenter/recenteqsww/Quakes/us2008nyae.php

I slept through what I think was the 1984 earthquake (5.4) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1984_Lleyn_Peninsula_earthquake ) so this is impressive

Pass t'saveloy on the left hand side

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:29:18 GMT

Well hello.

First of all, thanks for all the advice on the cooker/hob query, that makes things a lot clearer for my confused brain.

Yes I have nothing better to do on a Friday night. Saving it all for this weekend, honest.

Actually, this weekend will consist of a birthday do at Andalucia* followed by seeing The Lancashire Hotpots, supported by a local band called The 66**. I may wear a flat cap - it seems to be the trend. Incidentally, is it true what I hear about t'Hotpots being big in Cambridge?

To make up for that bout of northerness, on Sunday I will be watching Tottenham vs. Chelsea in the Carling Cup final with the other Tottenham fans of Warrington. Some of whom I'm not even related to. It's one of the few chances I have to be slightly plastered and shout "you slaaag". They've banned me from doing that at the family reunions. That and threatening to nuke a medium sized Essex village for being full of racist c**ts.

Whatever your opinions of Tottenham (I know they've not always had the most endearing of fanbases***) please remember one thing - they're not Chelsea.

And would you want Ossie Ardiles to cry? Would you?

* Warrington's fave Spanish named Lebanese restaurant with Polish staff.

** Um, there are disturbing signs of this town a music scene. Albeit full of bands who sound a bit like the Stone Roses only faster but it's a start. On a related note our neighbours have a very large portrait of Ian Brown on their wall. I haven't got round to telling them that penwing used to serve him groceries at the Lymm Co-op.

*** I've been in a train with them. They tried to push it over.

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:50:50 GMT

Just in case Valentine's day is as depressing for you as it is for me, a nice story in the news:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2008/feb/12/energyefficiency.energy

Yes, it does help if you find energy efficiency projects nice, but, well...

Oh all right, how about the 2006 version of "My Patch" available here http://www.jimnoir.com/media.html (warning, possibly not suitable for those with phobias of eggs or Mancunians in bowler hats)

While I'm here, have a random question. I have a single electric oven and a gas hob. I need both replaced. Because of the way the kitchen is wired (long boring story, but it's safe and tested and everything) I can't have an electric hob. Plus the gas ones are nicer. I'm hoping to get a deal on both.

Question is: Who do I get to fit them? I'd guess an electrician for the oven, and (natch) a CORGI registered gas engineer for the hob, but is there a profession where they do both? Plumbers? Kitchen fitters? (I do not want a new kitchen, some of us are convinced the 80's looks will be back in fashion very soon). And any recommendations on where to get the oven and hob in the first place? Only thoughts I have so far are that Dixons/Currys are evil and must be avoided at all costs. But I don't have that much cash either, despite John Lewis being reassuringly, er, John Lewis-ish.

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 13:49:33 GMT

Dear Sky News/Five News,

Nice to see you covering the capital of culture gubbins on the 1st of January. I'm a little bit confused by your choice of images to illustrate your report though. Market stalls? Not exciting market stalls, just ones selling fruit and veg, with some blokes standing behind them wearing anoraks, the sort you'd see anywhere. Doesn't really suggest, well, anything, really. I didn't expect you to find FACT, it's down a side street like about 245 other galleries, the Bluecoat is still being refurbished, and maybe you didn't get the train in what with the current problems and so didn't notice St George's Hall, despite it being fucking enormous and surrounded by *ahem* museums and art galleries. What about a pic of some councillors bitching at each other? (yeah, alright, been done). Superlambbanana too hard on your hangovers?

Not to say that market stalls don't have cultural value, course not. But you only had the boring ones you get anywhere. You could at least have filmed the stall with all the flags, I like that one being a flag geek (how often do you see the combo of the rainbow flag, the flag of India and the flag of Liverpool FC?). Plus there's usually a bloke shouting about Jesus near there. Or the one with the local football stuff? Or the one with the flashing mobile phone accessories? What are you saying? "Liverpool - they have grapefruit".

I look forward to your next report on the latest exhibition at Tate Modern, illustrated by the Oxford Street branch of Superdrug.

Ta,
Wendy

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 21:17:50 GMT

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=84324&title=iran-the-jan-brady-of-evil

John Oliver (no longer looking like David Baddiel) on the Daily Show when Iran had taken UK hostages. Alarmingly prescient...

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 12:42:02 GMT

Not really a suprise that the press have reacted to the Rhys Jones story like this but still, I expected better from the Independent:

http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,,2160992,00.html

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 15:40:17 GMT

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6966764.stm

Wasn't this a storyline in Life On Mars?

Not if you have some fear of bird mouths it's not

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 19:53:48 GMT

Happy picture: http://www.owlpages.com/image.php?image=articles-Other+Owl+Stuff-Tawny+Frogmouth-4

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 16:18:33 GMT

http://brouhaha.demo.nmspace.net/site/the-world-in-princes-park
http://brouhaha.demo.nmspace.net/site/liverpool-international-mela
http://brouhaha.demo.nmspace.net/site/liverpool-international-carnival

All free, all in the same park as far as I can tell. Anyone fancy?

Still freaked out by the lubricant scene though

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 21:10:14 GMT

Re: Transformers the (new) movie:

Did someone get a dictionary, look up every possible definition of "silly" and put them all into one film?

I mean this in a good way.

But I think the cartoon film was more gritty. And that had "Rodimus Prime" in it.

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:42:24 GMT

Double shite. "Mandy Moo's" A lovely milkshake and ice cream bar has just opened in Grand Central. I can't escape the artery-clogging stuff even in Liverpool (despite Liverpool being a building site right now). Help.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 14:30:13 GMT

In between running around trying to fix stuff in the house I've had News 24 on. A reporter is on a street in Oxford with the floodwaters rising. She describes it as being "a bit like a street party without the bunting" Should I be worried?

Really seasonal, this one

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 16:01:36 GMT

While I'm posting loads of stuff at once that I've been meaning to for the best part of 8 months, here's proof that I was in the Liverpool Santa Dash, courtesy of the bloke in the inflatable santa suit.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ijob/314141090/in/set-72157594403158586/ (I'm there, honest. It's the beard, isn't it?)

http://www.santadash.co.uk/liverpool_santa_dash.html

"Anaesthetic is a long word, isn't it Pob"

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 15:39:31 GMT

Pib and Pog! On the internet! http://www.atomfilms.com/film/pib_pog.jsp?channelKeyword=channel_pib_pog

For all your ultraviolent claymation needs and stuff.

Bostin.

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 12:59:48 GMT

In case you haven't noticed, today is Talk like a Brummie day. Not a Brummie myself, but the accent frequently slips that way (so I'm told), so I'm assuming that'll do. Alright that's probably cheating, but I'm worried the midlander in the office might think I'm taking the mick. I'll have a Balti tonight to make up for it. If The Cottage will not take me asking for a "Baltay" too badly...

Maybe I'll just go to Sainsbury's.

In other news I'm not doing owt for Potterumdammerung, having never actually read the books. My Mum, however, will be queuing outside Borders with a friend. Tonight might see an interesting mix of people in costume and the occasional drunk wandering past our house.

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 19:03:33 GMT

I've got the window open at home at the mo. You do get some odd smells from that sometimes. Often petrol, frequently the local chippie, sometimes even a hint of the Coach House Brewery. Lavender though? Lever Brothers up to something?

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:35:37 GMT

Scoop Ice Cream Cafe has opened in Golden Square. I'm afraid I have to report that it's really, really nice. I had a waffle cone of Chilli Chocolate Ice Cream for 1.60 (or thereabouts). It was gorgeous. They have a cafe with sofas, tea, coffee, hot waffles, ice cream floats, milkshakes, patisserie, and they serve alcohol...

This is in walking distance of my home.

Help.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:12:25 GMT

In other news, I'm intrigued at how sensible-looking the planned BBC Salford buildings seem to be.

Y'see the people owning the land are a certain Peel Holdings. Peel also operate the Trafford Centre, a place whose sheer madness I've never managed to sum up. Liberache does a shopping mall? But with less rhinestones and more eagles? Not to mention the giant griffin, unicorn and possibly Europe's largest chandelier that they've put up recently? That place transcends kitsh and becomes something awe-inspiring.

And then there's their plans for Liverpool docks. Build Shanghai but with windmills in the towers? Go on then. But how will you get to there from John Lennon Airport (owned by... guess...) A monorail!.
http://liverpoolwaters.com/ (warning - Flash site)

I sincerely belive that Peel Holdings have a former pie factory full of Madchester veterans who took one "e" too many. In return for constant piping of Detroit Techno and all the liquorice allsorts they can eat, they come up with Peel Holding's latest ventures. And through some mystical melding of fried brains, Juan Atkins and the ley lines of Trafford Park, they come up with schemes that make a fortune. Think "Minority Report" meets the sillier bits from "24 Hour Party People". Bez (over there on a timeshare basis) sits back in the jacuzzi and, in between mouthfuls of the yellow ones with the black centres (he won't touch the others) mutters "chandeliers man, chandeliers f***ing rock, nice one. Have you read that Harry Potter? F***ing great that. Griffins!"

In the other corner, Davy is muttering about how he went to Ealing once and thought it was really cool 'cos the people there were campaining to get a Monorail instead of a tram.

(Sorry, there's about 3 people are going to get that)

So how come the BBC hasn't ended up with a building in the shape of Sarah Greene? Where's the space elevator?

On the other hand, they took one look at the Lowry and the Imperial War Museum North, and realised that they're playing with the big (architectural) boys now. Provided they sort out the trams a bit and make room for some decent places for lunch (which may happen if Salford University turn up, or I persuade Oklahoma to do a franchise) it'll be good.